Writing the Happily Ever After Autistic Women Deserve
When I first started sharing my autism diagnosis with the people close to me, they all asked some version of the same question: “so what’s your special talent?” It was like they thought that all autistic people were savants capable of one thing that made them special, or gifted. They seemed a bit giddy with the thought they knew an autistic person. When people think about what autism looks like it’s either one of two extremes: the young quirky but adorable genius on TV or the friend who is caring for a non-speaking autistic person with significant support needs. What they don’t realize is that autism is a spectrum and most of what they think they know about it is probably wrong.
Popular media has a major part in their misconceptions about autism.
The storylines written about autistic people in TV and film turn us into flat one-dimensional stereotypes. If those characters have a central role in the story, they are almost always white men. Women and particularly women of color are left out of the storyline or reduced to a minor supporting role.
But then there are novels.
Romance novels are the first place I got to see myself represented on the page long before I even knew I was searching. But let’s be clear, there are plenty of badly written autistic characters in popular fiction. You can always tell when they’ve been written by an allistic writer because the character gets reduced to a series of traits commonly associated with autism.
In romance novels, autistic women are writing ourselves into popular storylines and in the stories, we tell we get to have a happily ever after.
Because we desperately need to see ourselves get a HEA (happily ever after) more often so we can believe that it’s possible in real life. That is why I’m so grateful for autistic women authors like Talia Hibbert, Helen Hoang, and Chloe Liese.
They remind autistic women that they deserve a HEA.
Talia Hibbert
The first time that I saw a Black autistic woman on the page it was in a Talia Hibbert novel. Hibbert literary worlds are filled with them. Hibbert is the author of seventeen novels. Her most popular series, The Brown Sisters was my introduction to her work. In book #3, Act Your Age, Eve Brown Eve, Eve the youngest of the three Brown sisters meets Jacob an autistic bed and breakfast owner who reluctantly agrees to hire Eve after she accidentally breaks his arm. While Jacob has known that he is autistic most of his life, Eve only discovers this part of herself through her relationship with Jacob. Eve self-diagnoses herself (Message: self-diagnosis is valid!) Rarely do we get to see, such a funny opposites-attract romantic comedy, featuring two very different autistic people falling in love and sharing some really hot sex scenes.
Helen Hoang
The Kiss Quotient was actually the very first book featuring an autistic heroine that I had ever read. Hoang’s heroines are often at a place where they are coming to terms with their autism and what it means for their lives and relationships with families and partners.
Stella hates sex and knows that getting over her aversion to intimacy is necessary to meet her parent’s demands that she find someone to date and eventually marry. So being the very practical problem-solver she is she hires an escort so she can learn to tolerate intimate touch and sexual intercourse. But she gets way more than she paid for in Michael. Anyone who struggled with physical intimacy will appreciate the journey that Stella and Michael go on together. The Kiss Quotient is one of those books that I read again and again.
Chloe Liese
The five-book Bergman Brothers book series features three autistic characters who are part of a big supportive Swedish-American family. But there are also storylines dealing with a terminal illness, disabilities, and mental health which makes this series that much more relatable and interesting.
In the second book in the series Always Only You, is a slow burn friends to lovers romance featuring Frankie, a grumpy autistic co-worker to Ren, a gentle shy giant professional hockey player who has been secretly in love with Frankie for a long time. Their relationship unfolds is a beautiful way as Ren works to get Frankie to trust that he would never see her as a burden. That he loves her not inspite of her autism but because its part of who she is.
Love this passage:
She has these little ways that she touches me-twirling my hair in her fingers, sliding my palm against hers in a steady rhythm-that make feel like she’s wrapped me into her sensory habits, her need to move and touch, and I can’t find a word how much that means to me.
As a stimmy sensory seeker, I love this! If I stim on you, it means I really really like you. Chloe writes autistic characters expressing love and intimacy in ways that I natural and authentic for us.
But my favorite part of this story is when Frankie meets Ren’s younger sister Ziggy who is a newly diagnosed autistic teen. Her parents are struggling to support her and Frankie steps in. The two hang out one evening and Frankie gives her the advice every newly diagnosed autistic desperately needs. They about talks with her own sensory needs, stimming, and where to buy comfy clothing. Autistic kids need autistic adults to mentor and support them. Chloe shows us just how life-changing those moments can be for a young person.
When I started writing my book, I thought I lot about how each of these authors described sex. They don’t shy away from describing the challenges with interoception, desire, attraction, sensory overwhelm, and stimming. Their MMC (male main characters) are curious, patient, and open to explore and find what feels right for their lovers. All things that everyone should get to experience when they’re having sex. Reading these stories helps us to think about our own likes and dislikes when it comes to relationships and sex. For some, it might be the first time they realized that sex could be enjoyable with the right person. I want more of that for us both on the page and in the real world.
